Phin-Rott.com

Thats one of the resolutions anyways. Seems I’ve failed already as I was meaning to write this three days ago. Sounds like a good start to me!

I suppose that I could get straight to the resolutions I made and then get on with the rest of this blog.

• Quit procrastinating
• Keep my personal hygiene at 90% or better. (I know, gross, but whatever)
• Save money
• Work out
• Quit smoking

I’m really hoping to keep this stuff going, but, well, we’ll see.

2007

What a year. It was very stagnant as far as years go, but I suppose it was good to. Most of the year was either work, or Allison related. Also known as the downs and ups. I started the year working at Domino’s. I hated it. That whole franchise is a joke. The one I worked at before was really amazing, but this one in Gainesville was ran by two lesbo bitches. From there I moved to the cemetery, where I still work, and, just like Domino’s, I hate it. It’s been better recently, but by a slim margin.

Allison was really the only good part of this year. I had fleeting moments of joy in other parts of life but Allison felt like she was all I had. It makes me so mad too, the moments that are offered to me to experience joy are stolen away by this damn job. I actually had a chance to go see my friends and film a Slusho commercial but it was stolen away by my stupid fuckin’ teeth. I want more. More than just coming home. Allison feels my pain and I wish that wasn’t true because she ends up paying for my depression. I hate that so much. I want to offer here unbridled love without any negativity, without asking for anything in return. I feel like I cant. I feel like I cant be anything near what she needs. I feel like I cant be happy. I want to be, and I don’t even know whats in the way. It just seems like I’m stuck, you know?

But this is 2008 now. Maybe I can be amazing. Maybe this is the year I find out who I really am.

Maybe

Fuck maybe!

Maybe is a fancy no!

Now is the time to move, grow, love, be something.

I will.

I’m done with being a looser. Done with hating myself, and feeling sorry for me. I’ve wasted 25½ years of my life. I’m done.

Now is the crossroads. Be something or disappear. Live or die.

A few days ago I experienced something that kind of gave me perspective.

Allison and I went to Denton to the AT&T store to get her an iPhone. So, we bought it, had a little Chipotle, then went home.

Turns out, to activate the iPhone you must have iTunes on your computer. Well, we have a Linux box and if you know anything about that, iTunes doesn’t run on Linux. At all.

Allison was realy upset and I paid for it. She acted as if she was mad at me then stormed off to bed. It was weird though, instead of getting mad at her for it, I realized that I had been treating her in pretty much the same fashion for months.

I was of course upset and went to talk to her about it. I apologized and it seems to have sorted itself out.

Now, I have the flu. It is really fun, you know, in the eating razors are fun sort of way. I tried to go to work today but got sent home for falling asleep while the boss was talking to me.

Anyways, I’m gonna roll over and die now.

The iPhone is awesome.

Last Christmas would have made any man really repressed. Seriously. I got a summer sausage. Thats it.

Christmas ‘07 turned out to be very different though.
Firstly, let me clarify, gifts aren’t what makes a good Christmas, but still!
This year, this was the loot I accrued:

• (1) Large Bottle Patrón Silver
• (12) Shirts of various style
• (1) Bottle Grey Goose Vodka
• (2) Pairs of pant
• (1) Large box Ferrero Rocher (including the Rondnoir and Garden Flavours)
• (1) Chess set with video tutor/game
• (1) Emergency Flashlight
• (1) Pair Nike running shoes
• (Tons) Socks and underwear.

Very nice indeed.

Also, the whole family shindig went down with nary a hitch and was actually very fun.

Allison did just as well if not better in what she got.

Anyways, Happy Non-Religious General Seasonal Greetings!

What a week I’ve had. I got the whole week off of work, but nay, it was not fun. The root canal, you see. Yes, it’s still very sore. I’m almost delirious. I haven’t been able to sleep due to teeth grinding. The pills I’m on also make me quite ill. Nausea and that sort of thing.

So, it’s four in the morning.

The week I have had comprised mostly of sitting or laying around trying not to puke or make poop in my pants. No, no, I’ll admit it is gross, but verily, such is my life.

I finally came up with some sort of goal for my life though. I can’t say it’s noble like saving whales or drinking vodka, but it is nonetheless my goal. I want to build a better MySpace. (And meet the Japanese guy who eats all those hot-dogs.) It’s not that MySpace is bad, it’s just ugly and lacks certain features I wish I had. I’ve started a temporary social network of my own over at Ning.com to ask around what people wished they had in a perfect MySpace. (Sorry it’s privet.)

Although, I will tell you the name of this future SN site: Phinalli
I’m actually very pleased to admit that this name is not my creation, but instead the brainchild of my lovely girlfriend Allison.

It’s what one might call a literary contraction. Not the birthing contraction.

She came up with it while playing Guitar Hero III. I had tried to name our band on the game something lame and she was all

You should call the band Phinalli, like Phin-Rott and Allison combined.

Pure genius.

I then thought that it could simply mean you had come to the finale, your final stop in your social networking search.

Good night loyal hamster.

Last week was my vacation. I must say it was extremly nice. I was able to do nothing for nine whole days!

Well, I say it was nice, but, you know how it is, life got in the way alot. I may have mentioned it before in previous posts. You see, I’m with a really cool girl, Allison, but we’ve been at odds lately. (By “at odds” I mean really fighting[minus fists of course]) It’s actually been pretty bad. I guess that’s how it goes with girls? Anyways, Sunday night Allison and I really got into it. Like, to the point where we were going to break up. She was going to drive me home and everything. We said our mean words, cried, went the whole nine yards with it. What really lets a guy down is that this has been going on for, really, about three months or so. But the fight on Sunday night? It started over cookies. Fuckin’ cookies! Seriously, who the hell breaks up over cookies? One might be inclined to say that there were deeper problems, and well, one would be abs-a-freakin’-lutly right! I didnt wrap them up correctly before placing them back in the pantry. That was it pretty much. I held my position that the cookies went in the way they came out and blah, blah, blah. Then, an hour later? Fine, better than we have been in months. I guess we needed to let off some steam.

So, now that I no longer have to deal with the fact that I might have to live in a box, I have been able to do some productive things. Take, for instance, this website. I’m using Wordpress for the engine to this blog. And tihs theme? It’s called “Chocolate & Cream” and I made it all by myself! Woot! (Ido stuff like this by the way if you would like my services…)

Time for bed now. I like sleep. It’s a really great time to not be awake.

Allison and I woke up this morning and had a minor war of words. It kind of ate at me all day. I mean, that happens in relationships, right? When she got home from work she got on the couch for a nap. I told her she wouldn’t be awake until five in the afternoon. This, of course, spawned another fight. She then went to sleep.

Five O’clock…

She wakes up, and things go pretty much as usual. (By the way, may I point out that I was right about what time she would wake up?) Around X:30 in the afternoon, Mike comes over. I’ll spare the inner workings of his life, because it’s his, but he is having issues so Allison and I talked with him and then went to a school concert. I’m not sure it was enjoyable; I fell asleep.

The, like, OMG! The “drama” started. Apparently So-and-So was doing such-and-such and Whoever wasn’t too happy about it. I’m not even really sure that I personally care about the whole ordeal, because it’s, drama. Not an avid follower of drama as you might suspect.

Any-who, this is the kind of day that really makes me wish I was a wealthy entrepreneur.

I spoke with Allison today about the state of our relationship.

It turns out it’s Kansas…WTF? (Seriously though, it feels as if things are better between us.)

Monday was an interesting day to say the least. It started like any other day, with a cold griping fear.

Today, I would go to the dentist.

The dentist and I (the dentist being any one of the orthodontic community) have met on several occasions, none of which I would refer to as good visits. The sheer terror they extract from me is something Clive Barker would have to spend an entire career attempting to emulate. Allison and I spent the first part of the morning doing the things we do; fixing hair, playing on the internet, doing makeup, eating a brownie, checking to see if the outfit matches. (Please note that the superficial betterment items refer to Allison, while the “sit on ass” bits are connected to me.)

We then drove to the lovely (read: God-Awful) town of Boyd, Texas to rendezvous with Allison’s mother. We then played musical cars and went to Ft. Worth, namely Macaroni Grill, for lunch. I ate whatever it was I ate, not really feeling the whole “food makes you feel better” thing. We then departed for Dr. Dentist’ s office.

I sat alone, with my friends and family, waiting for my doom to envelope me. Then I found out, and you’ll have to excuse my ignorance, that even with insurance you have to pay. I was inconsolable. Pissed might be a better word. I began what one could call an argument with Allison in the lobby.

I remember saying “Well theres your fuckin’ Christmas!”

I was upset, you see, because money is tight as it is, and now I was paying for some stupid x-rays to tell me what I already knew; my teeth are fucked.

Then they called my name, the lights dimming ever so slightly. Sound stilled ’till only the beating of my heart was audible. I tried to play off being scared by using my sense of humor, though I later realized I probably just sounded desperate and frightened. After the x-rays the doctor came in, and reached for his mirror and (what I call) the hook. I panicked and screamed
“THE HOOK!”
He sat the hook down wielding only the mirror. while I sat in wait, the receptionist came in to tell me that this visit had been covered and that I need not spend a dime today.

I was shocked. Really? Who would pay for the work on my bicuspids? Who had such generosity this time of year?

Somebody had anonymously paid for my trip to the dentist.

The only thing I can assume is that the man who was in the lobby at the time of mine and Allison’s argumentmust have been the one.

But whoever it is, I am truly grateful for your caring and generosity.

Click the “Read the rest of this post” link to read an old journal entry from 2005.
Read the rest of this entry »

Sometimes it seems to me that stunning exposition and displaying lexiconical prowess are superfluous.

I was in the worst fucking mood today.

Why?
At the time of this self imposed funk I had a hundred answers; Allison, me, the ferrets, money.

Pretty much anything I crossed paths with made me angry. It was really depressing too because there was no true reason for it. I just felt like crap. Then, in the webcam I realized I was way fat.

Way fat! (Listen to that English!)

And now I feel much better but the apartment is very hot. I think I hate this place. I don’t mean that in the “I’m so sad!” sort of way, I mean that as in, if this apartment were a person, we would resort to fisticuffs. Forthwith! also, I made he switch from Windows to Ubuntu Linux. and its really great, but some stuff just doesn’t work. Ubuntu is actually a great OS, but everything is built for Windows or Mac. I suppose that doesn’t pertain to my funk mood blog though does it? Ah well, such is life. Perhaps I should eat better.

See!?! Now I’m pissed again!

I have had this very wonderful girlfriend for just over a year, but seriously! Cant I just relax for like 5 fuckin’ minutes? Shit, I like spending time with you but I cant be up your damn ass like I was when we first met. Fuck it, I’m done writing.

For now.

One of the ferrets stole my cigarettes today and broke out like the plague! Top speed! I took off after him but the little rat (actually part of the otter family?) was freakin’ fast! In our kitchen is a corner between the cabinets and wall where no human can actually fit. The ferrets have taken up residence here, and this is where my cigarettes went. I approached the beasts’ stronghold with the caution of a man facing a pack of bears. This is my apartment but it is their corner, adequately furnished and guarded tirelessly. Also, there could have been spiders. Fuck that.

So I pondered a while.

Risk ferret attack and spider poison or spend another six bucks on smokes? Quiting smoking wasn’t an option of course.
I grabbed a pair of denim pants and discreetly ventured nearer the pit. Then the paneling fell off revealing what the creatures contained within.

It was depressing really, there I sat on the verge of an epic adventure and it was spoiled by crappy carpentry.

I reached in casually, got what I need then went about my day as usual.

I need some excitement in my life!

For a while now I’ve been searching for some sort of outlet for myself and for my talents.

So, after being inspired by a friend of mine, I took his idea and ran with it.

Welcome to Phin-Rott.com

I’m so spread out, wanting to share my music, my life, my art, my webcam feed, all of the projects I work on. Thats where this site comes in. It’s all here, anything I do can be found here, whether its the Twitter feed, a link to download some goody I’ve cooked up or a simple brain fart I want to share.

But enough of that mindless prattle. On to the meat and ‘taters!

My name is Eric, but around the WWW I use the pseudonym “Phin=Rott.”
I live in Texas and currently work in a cemetery. I have a beautiful girlfriend named Allison whom I’ve been with a year. I have a six year old daughter I care for deeply. (Hopefully this blog will chronicle my quest to be a decent father.) Three ferrets live here with me. Maynard, Slinky, and Boomer. As with the other 99.99% of this world I worry about shit like bills, my hair, and whether or not to buy a new iPhone. That would be bad-ass. I also use words like shit. Who doesn’t, seriously?

Today marks the beginning of my vacation from work. It is much needed to say the least. I’m not really destined to be one of those people that have jobs and I get easily get burnt out on working. This week is probably going to be full of cleaning, Super Mario Galaxy, and hamming it up for my webcam.